Do as I say, not as I do. Is it fair for parents to say that, or just a fluffy way of saying you’re a hypocrite?

While some parents might successfully raise kids while operating under that idiomatic expression, in general it’s something that should be avoided.

You can’t really expect to misbehave in front of children and not think they won’t mimic it later. The occasional kid might actually listen to you and block out your behavior, but they are the exception.

College kids won’t be that exception. When learning to drive, my father always stressed not to speed because he wouldn’t pay for my ticket.

Yet I couldn’t take him seriously because I noticed whenever we went somewhere he would rarely go the speed limit. And I don’t mean just two or three miles over either. I just sat there and wondered if speeding was bad, then why was he doing it and with me in the car. I could only assume speeding wasn’t all that bad since my father did it more than once a blue moon.

The same thing happened with my cousin. I remember being at her house, she was 13 at the time, when her father heard her say the F-word. Naturally his reaction was “Watch your mouth! Who the f*** you hear that from?”

The irony of him cursing at her for cursing was apparently lost upon him, however, that may have been because he’d had a few too many beers.

Maybe some parents just don’t realize how much children like to mimic.

Most children, especially at a young age, learn better by example. They might not be able to comprehend what you are saying, so they will just observe you instead.

Parents or guardians are the biggest source of observation for kids. Children naturally want to imitate their parents, as it is part of them learning to function in the world.

“Animals focus on getting the job done,” explains Mark Nielsen, a psychologist at the University of Queensland in Brisbane, Australia. “Humans seem to almost forget about the outcome and copy everything we see.” Well, surely they would recognize not copy bad behavior right? Not really.

Cognitive scientist Laura Schulz, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, said, “We have a very strong bias to assume others are acting rationally.” Schulz said. “Children around the world treat adults as rational and imitate them even if they don’t understand what the adult is doing—especially if they don’t know what the adult is doing.”

So if you just tell a child not to smoke while smoking, don’t be surprised to catch them smoking later. The natural urge to imitate combined with a child’s curiosity will lead to bad things.

That is why it’s in your best interest to avoid behaving badly or doing negative things in front of your children.

It’s not realistic to expect adults to just rid themselves of their flaws, but they can do their best to avoid setting a bad example for children.

If you are caught in a situation where you feel compelled to say, “Do as I say, not as I do,” at least apologize and emphasize that you’re doing something bad.

Just telling a child not to imitate you without reason won’t be very effective. This is especially true if they see you doing this bad behavior often.

There are enough bad influences out there for children, don’t let yourself be another one. If you really don’t want kids to imitate your bad behavior or sayings, then do as you instruct your kids to do.