Kali Gaar once lived a nightmare that few would walk away from with grace and an ability to enjoy life. 

October serves as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a form of abuse commonly referred to as spousal abuse. Domestic violence is one of the more common forms of abuse, according to helpguide.org.

Though Gaar was a child during her time of abuse, she believes that her story is relevant to the domestic violence awareness cause.

“Abuse is abuse, no matter who is doing it. They hurt you, and for some reason they seem to enjoy it,” Gaar said.

Gaar endured 14 years of abuse at the hands of her stepmother while living with her father.

“At first she was always spiteful and did things behind my dad’s back. Everything just got increasingly worse. The warning signs were all there,” Gaar said.

Gaar said that it started when she was 4 years old. When her father was at work, her stepmother would make up lies in order to result in a whipping with a belt.

“She always made sure that I got two licks on my back, behind and legs. As I got older it wasn’t just physical, but mental as well,” Gaar said.

Gaar’s stepmother would ground her for whatever reason, and make her sit and watch television in order to justify a beating. 

“I’ve gone to school with footprints on my face. I’ve had black eyes,” Gaar said.

Gaar’s abuser would also purposely humiliate her by making her wear baggy clothing and even shaving her head once.

“I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up or fix my hair unless she did it. One time I couldn’t find my school belt and she said I smarted off to her so she choked me with it. I had bruises all around my neck,” Gaar said.

Gaar said that she and her brother went through the court system numerous times, but they were never removed from the home.

“My stepmom always knew the judge and everytime we told the truth only to be sent home for a beating,” Gaar said.

When she turned 15, Gaar cut off  all ties with that side of the family. She said that communication with them only got her into trouble.

“The morning I turned 18 I moved out and have never looked back,” Gaar said.

Gaar said that she feels that people only acknowledge abuse when it is convenient for them. 

“The whole time I was being abused everyone knew but not one person tried to help me. They felt as if it were none of their business,” Gaar said.

Gaar said that especially in the south, people tend to believe that it is not their place to comment on how people decide to “raise” their children.

“I kept it all bottled in, I had to get myself out of that situation and I did. But it would have been so much better if someone would have taken up for me when they knew I didn’t have the ability,” Gaar said.

Chelsea Wyatt believes that domestic abuse should not be tolerated.

“It can be very hurtful, physically and mentally. If anyone is dealing with such a matter it shouldn’t be kept quiet,” said Wyatt, a junior psychology major.

Wyatt said that to protect themselves, students should inform a trusted individual of their location and activities at all times. 

Sexual abuse is considered a form of physical abuse. Emotional abuse is also considered a valid and prosecutable form of abuse.