Teri Jendusa-Nicolai barely escaped death 10 years ago.

Now she uses her story to help warn others so that they don’t end up in similar situations.

Nicolai spoke on domestic abuse as part of ULM’s Leadership Workshop Series Thursday. She said she wanted to give students the warning signs to look for in relationships, so that they can get out of it before something worse happens.

“I was really captivated when she was almost killed but happened to survive,” said Phillip VuNguyen, a freshman biology major. “It was a really wonderful miracle.”

There are two main warning signs that Nicolai mentioned.

She said control and isolation are the tactics the abuser uses to keep you with them. She said the control starts out “sneaky.”

Nicolai also said an abuser may tell you not wear clothes that you enjoy or not to hang out with your friends or family.

Abusive people isolate victims from the things that make them happy and that they enjoy.

“Something that seemed cool at first like you don’t have to work became you can’t work. Because ‘no wife of mine is going to work,’” Nicolai said.

Once they have taken control, victims usually feel as if they have nowhere else to go.

When Nicolai left her abusive husband, she said she had nothing but a lamp, pillow and blanket in a small apartment.

“We need to stop being so codependent and respect each other more,” Nicolai said.

Nicolai gave the audience a task of saying something nice to the adjacent person to show how general compliments make people feel good about themselves.

“The things that people say to belittle you can be just as damaging as the physical abuse,” Nicolai said.

Nicolai then gave the audience the task of writing down five good things about themselves. She titled the project “I Am.”

She said she got the title from the Bible where God calls himself the “Great I Am.”

She said that respecting yourself is where it all begins and that you have to have control over yourself or else someone else will.

It’s not human nature for people to be abusive, so we should trust others but be aware, according to Nicolai.

Nicolai warned students to always be aware of these signs so that they will notice them more readily.