Use 7 telling clues to detect jealousy

Cory Thaxton

Jealousy can be a toxic feeling in the world. A gross emotion that’s not only irrational but overpowering.

It’s that deadly combination that causes so much trouble.

Jealousy is hard for people to control and often strong relationships are brought to their knees because of it.

So whether you think you or your partner is suffering from jealousy. Here are a few signs you can look for to know for sure.

1: Questioning

Suspicious and unnecessary questioning are across-the-board indicators of jealousy.

Whether it’s among colleagues, friends or your partner, excessive and desperate questioning is a sure sign of jealousy.

2: Spying

If there is one activity that proves jealousy, it’s spying.

Naturally, if the jealous person possesses sneaky spying skills, it will be hard to know when they’re spying on you.

The classic examples are checking emails, text messages, recent phone calls, etc.

“My boyfriend is always keeping tabs on me,” said Kortnei Barber, a senior kinesiology major. “Sometimes it gets on my nerves, but it shows me he cares.”

3: Underlying Negativity

Jealous people very much want it to be known that they are jealous.

They want you to notice they are angry, and subsequently, be as hurt at this as they are by you.

A primary goal of a jealous person is trying to make the person they are jealous of feel their pain.

4: Returning the Favor

Trying to return the favor is common of jealous people.

If the jealousy is stemming from a new friend that is not allowing you to spend as much time with your partner, then it is likely that the jealous person will think of excuses to cause a similar effect.

“In other words, when you finally have time to hang out, the person who is jealous will use an excuse as if to imply that they cannot be expected to be able to hang out on your time,” Barber said. They want you to know how it feels.

Psychologist Phil McGraw said “Jealousy is a poorly disguised need for power and control. Jealous people are controlling, domineering and completely insensitive to the impact of their actions on their partner.”

5: Clinginess

On the other side of the spectrum, we have clinginess. When your partner is seemingly terrified of leaving your side, chances are they’re suffering from a bad case of jealousy.

This behavior is usually an attempt to keep you from doing whatever it is that is making them jealous.

6: Doubts, Reassurances

“Jealousy causes people to lose confidence in themselves,” said sophomore vocal performance major Taylor Witherspoon.

As a result, they need reassurances, specifically from their partner.

They will try to talk you into reassuring them and eventually will ask you out-right if you still care about them, if you love them, if you’re happy with them.

“They get a control fix every time you reassure them, every time you answer the phone to report on your whereabouts. Stop reinforcing their behavior,” McGraw said.

7: Constant Pettiness

This is one of the most direct forms of jealousy. Think of it as constant criticism.

They might say very hurtful things and then forcefully excuse them as being “honest insights” or “just telling it as it is” or “tough love.”

“It’s easy to get angry at a jealous person, especially when they are constantly insulting you in a very petty way,” Witherspoon said.

Jealousy is not worth ruining a relationship over.

You need to focus on what’s important in the relationship and figure out how to control the negative emotions.

While it’s normal to feel jealous at times. Too much jealousy can easily become controlling and can also lead to the end of your relationship. It’s not anyone’s most attractive feature, to put it nicely.

McGraw said, “Choose to respect your partner and make some different choices. You have more power in your love, respect and personality than you do in jealousy.”