Did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?

And it was his mere presence on the sideline that carried the Steelers to victory in Super Bowl XL.

Or even better, that the Saints hoisting the Lombardi Trophy completed the “rebirth” of New Orleans? I think that one’s my favorite. How poetic. Good luck explaining that to someone still living in a FEMA trailer.

After all the buildup, it’s finally Super Bowl week. Time for ESPN and every other outlet to dust off our old, tired friend; the sports narrative. And man don’t we have a doozy this year in the form of the Harbaugh brothers.

For whatever reason, it was decided long ago that we can’t just enjoy watching sports. Nope, they have to “mean something.” It isn’t enough for us sit back and marvel at the prowess of the modern athlete, not when there’s “life lessons” to be learned.

Take our new friends the Harbaughs. When younger brother Jim leads the San Francisco 49ers against older brother John’s Baltimore Ravens, it’s about more than a world championship, so we’re told.

Why this is a validation of the “American Dream.” Concrete evidence that family truly does concur all. How quaint.

See here’s the thing about sports, and it’s something we lose sight of all the time. They aren’t important. Not the Super Bowl, March Madness or the BCS. None of it.

Sports are actually pretty simple when it comes down to it. They are a distraction based on a simple formula. You choose a team to root for. When they win, you’re happy. When they lose, you’re sad. And in between, we enjoy all the sack dances, thunderous dunks and homeruns we can stand. That’s it.

Sports are a welcome vacation from the minutiae of life, but there in lies the problem. We spend so much time obsessing over them that we inflate them into something they aren’t. Real life is scary, so let us have our fun without pondering some cosmic life lesson.

Sports give us an outlet to forget our troubles. So let’s leave real world issues at the door. The Harbaughs aren’t making some kind of statement about the American family. And we shouldn’t pretend otherwise.

I guess this wouldn’t be a Super Bowl column if I didn’t make a game prediction. Lets go with San Francisco 28, Baltimore 21. Colin Kaepernick running the zone-read should be enough to slow down the Ravens pass rush and allow the Niners to crank up the play action pass to tight end Vernon Davis.

Well look at that. I managed to come up with an actual relevant storyline that benefits the viewer. You’re welcome. Enjoy the game.